That Dragon, Cancer
Hello everybody, my name is Markiplier and welcome to That Dragon, Cancer. Now,
[sounds of nature in the background] you guys have wanted me to play this for a long time. And I’ve wanted to play it too. Ah, it’s just that I have a very… I have a very close relationship with the topic of this game, and that is obviously cancer. Not me personally, um, but my dad, ah, had cancer when I was about 18 years old, and he died from it. And I’m not saying that’s put me off from playing it, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m not afraid to approach these topics. Uh, it’s just that I wanted to take the time to make sure that I could approach it with the right mindset, and I could go into it with the right attitude. A-and, you know, I could take the time to sit down and really appreciate every nook and cranny of this game for what it is. Because, it’s less of a game, and more of an experience because this is based on a true story. This is about a family whose child has gone through cancer. I believe they-their son, at a very young age, they got sick. And this is about their story of going through this experience. And I know that many of you out there have probably gone through something similar to this, if not you yourself… have gone through something… to deal with cancer. Because it’s kind of the one big unifying thing. It’s the one big unifying tragedy that I think we can all relate to, as opposed to just death itself. But… Cancer is something that, if you look around in your circle, you have a family member or a friend who has been through this, and it’s an ordeal. I-it’s more than just the name of what the disease is. It’s about the entire way that it changes the lives of everyone involved. It’s a huge subject, and it’s something that I wanted to go into, and treat with respect. You know, not for my sake. Like, it’s not about me, it’s not about my, you know, experience with it. It’s about treating this with respect for everyone that has ever gone through something like this. So, that being said, this video is going to be a bit different. It’s going to be completely uncut. Uh, this video is not monetized, I didn’t want to profit off of something like this. And uh- I wanted to support the developers as well. Uh, I want to make sure that the, um- the uh-h-h, you know, the developers get credit for what they have done here. And the thing that they have made. So, I believe that they have a tip jar, I’ll be chipping into that as well. And I hope that you guys can reach out to the developers and thank them for making something like this. And, uh, it’s almost- everyone- i-it’s critically acclaimed. It’s a good experience and I know some of you have seen it already, and I wanna go into this with like a fresh head, a fresh pair of eyes, a completely open understanding of what this life is about, because in a game, a game is an experience where usually, typically you have fun- Oh, that’s a pleasant opening, right on the water.
[“Spring Forth” playing in the background] Uh, you have fun and you’re enjoying yourself and the game itself is… the experience for the sake of the experience. But this is a story… for the sake of a game? I don’t know if that’s even a correct way of putting that but… A-at its heart, it’s a story, and a relatable story. Because a game is about immersion- Is this told from the perspective of a duck? -uh this game is about immersion, and just like any good story, you have to relate to the characters involved. And that means approaching it with the right mindset. So either way. I-I’ll get into the game now. Oh I am a duck. Why am I a duck? [family talking in the background]
[“Feeding the Ducks” playing in the background] I’m assuming that’s the family I can hear over there. [Duck quacks periodically]
Do I–Oh, *imitates duck* Yeah. Oh, and also you guys may have noticed- Hello bread, I’m gonna get you. -you guys may have noticed that I’m not in Cincinnati. Uh, I was originally gonna be in Cincinnati to do a charity livestream this weekend. And I wanted to be able to do that, uh, but unfortunately I didn’t have enough time. It’s, it’s the constant curse of my life. Um… I don’t have time, because next week I’m going to San Diego for Comic Con and I just didn’t have enough t- Oh, sorry, you just tried to eat nothing there. Uh… I didn’t have enough time to go to Cincinnati and see my family and come back, which is something that I really wanted to do. And I wanted to make this weekend about charity. But, thankfully, it already is, because Revelmode is actually doing a charity with Crisis Text Line. And I’ll put this all in the description below so you can find out more about it. And I wanted to also take an opportunity in this game to, you know, raise awareness for that as well. So all that’s in the- oh.
[Amy – text on-screen] So all that’s in the description. I’ll get into the game now.
[Isaac – text on-screen] [Ryan laughs, then text on-screen] Ryan: Here you go, Joel. Here’s a piece. Okay, now you throw it. [Isaac] Amy: Yeah. Joel: More? *laughs* [Isaac] Ryan: That’s true. *Joel laughs and claps*
Amy: Yeah… [Isaac] Ryan: Yeah, I know. [Isaac] Ryan: Well…
Joel: *laughs* More? [Ryan] [Amy] Ryan: Yeah… [Ryan] [Joel laughs and claps] [Isaac] Joel: More? [Ryan] [Caleb – text on-screen] Ryan: Yeah.
[Joel laughs and claps] [Isaac] Joel: More? *laugh* [Ryan] [music fades; just the sounds of nature in the background] [Joel laughs and claps] [Ryan] Isaac: Um, eating, laughing! Joel: More?
Ryan: *laughs* [Ryan] [Isaac] [Ryan] [Joel laughs and claps] [Isaac] Ryan: Yeah. [Ryan] [Caleb] Joel: More? Ryan: Yeah. [Joel laughs and claps]
Mark: Oh, okay. Yeah, and I want to make sure that I don’t get in the way of the dialogue, because that is- the main story of this game is told through the dialogue. And I imagine it’s going to be one of those games where, y-you’re along for the ride.
[“So Few Words” playing in the background] Because, like I said before, this is based on a true story. [Ryan] Mark: And you don’t want to get in the way. Mark: Oh, dogs. Mark: Oh, am I… Oh… So am I- whoa, hey. So, pressing ‘W’ doesn’t go forward. Hello. Mark: Oh.
[Amy whispering] [Ryan whispering] [Amy whispering] [Ryan whispering] [Amy whispering] Mark: What? I’m not sure what that was… That was interesting. I’m not sure what that was about. Did I do something wrong? And were they talking about us, the audience, or were they talking about people in their real lives? Yeah… ‘Cause I don’t- I don’t know how directly this translates from the true story. It might, but the only people that would know are the people that have actually gone through the experience themselves. What is that? Well, that’s a little out of place. Uh, that’s probably not good. Eugh. It’s just a black nothingneth. [Amy whispering] [Ryan whispering] [Amy whispering] Mark: Again, are they talking about me? Because I-I think I can understand. I mean, given time anyone can understand anything but… That was a little bizarre. Yeah. So anyway, that’s all that I wanted to say about the game, as far as the game itself goes. Because it’s useless to compare this to any other game. It’s useless to try to put our language about video games into what this game is. [Ryan] Mark: That’s a heavy subject you’re talking about. Mark: There’s something over there. Can I see that? Ooh. What are those things? Well, I think I have a feeling of what those things is. [Amy whispering] [Ryan whispering] [Amy whispering] Mark: Man. I hope that becomes clearer later because… right now, I’m a little confused. Yeah… Uhh… Yeah, I’m pretty sure that those brambles represent what cancer is. I mean, of course cancer has a lot of different imagery but, and there’s a lot of different types of cancer. But almost universally, Like, we all understand the concept and it’s always bad news, no matter which way you slice it. Oh man. Oh. I don’t want to go back. No need to backtrack. Oh, man. I imagine that’s- oh. [Ryan] Mark: Hm… [“Joel, Our Joy” playing in the background] Oh. [Amy whispering] [Ryan whispering] Mark: I- They must be talking about me. They must be. Maybe they’re making fun of my keen sense of exploration. Huh. A- this is what I meant when I said I wanted to take the utmost time with this. ‘Cause I’ve never seen this game before. I-I’ve purposefully avoided the majority of this game and, like what it is and what it represents and- woh. That’s a narrow path over there. And I- I’m going into this for completely the first time. Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention at the the main menu it said “continue game.” I only loaded it up to make sure I knew how it worked first. Before I actually went into the game. So… Oh man, there’s a bunch of little Joels. Again, I imagine that this is Joel right? Aww. Ryan: So, what do you think, Isaac? [child laughing] Ryan: He just-he’s in the hospital so they’re taking care of him. And that’s how he gets his food.
His food goes through that tube. Yeah. Yeah. Do you wanna touch him? Isaac: Yeah. Ryan: Yeah? Touch his cheek. [sounds of children playing] Amy: Ready… Joel: Go. Amy: Set… Keep him still. Joel: Go.
Amy: Go. [happy baby sounds] Mark: This is the only-this is the only casual observation I’ll make about this game, as far as the aesthetic goes. Um, because I-I don’t want to mock it because it was a small team and obviously they worked with what they had and the animations are very good. But also, I wonder- oh sorry, my bad. I wonder… If like, the-making- oops. Oh I’m sorry, I was a too early on that one. [music fades out, leaving the sounds of nature and play]
Amy: Ready…set… Joel: Go.
Amy: Go. Mark: Okay there we go. But I really wonder if like, the design of Joel… Joel: Yaaaay! Mark: is intentional. Because he’s a little disconcerting, almost, to have this faceless person. Uh, whereas the dad has glasses, beard and facial features and all that stuff. Um… So, I wonder if that’s intentional to make it a little off-setting. Because I imagine the reason that, you know, Joel doesn’t have hair is because he’s gone through chemotherapy and- Oh. [sounds of play continuing in the background] How fast can you go? ‘Cause Joel’s been through chemotherapy, and obviously even children; they lose their hair when they- Whoa. They lose their hair. And that’s just… I don’t know. And-again I don’t want to make too many observations like that because i-it’s not important. Or maybe it is important, but it’s not important that I take note of it to point out to you guys, of what it is, so… Let’s keep moving forward. [continuing sounds of Joel and family playing] [ominous chords begin playing in the bckground] Mark: Man. I don’t wanna like, interject too often in this with my train of thought because I’m afraid I’ll get all scatterbrained and then I’ll be all over the place and I’ll never actually finish a thought. Um, because, again, I will yield to the game telling a story- Am I supposed to- Oh! Oh I thought- oh, wow. Where did Joel go? Oh, there’s Joel. Oh, man. Man. ‘Cause, again, the story of this game takes precedence, but also, I wanted to let you guys know… about the things I’ve been through in my life, and my relation to these experiences. And I want to, like…show that unique perspective. Because I-I may have said at the beginning of this, that this is like a unifying experience but also everyone- whoops. Sorry, I’ll be right back Joel. I didn’t mean to do that. I-I also wanted to, you know, show that just because one person has been through this doesn’t mean that it’s the same experience that many people have had. And other things that people have gone through don’t often relate, you know, exactly. Am I not supposed to be here yet? Ooh… wait. Oh, hang on, wait. There was like some wind that drifted back and kind of went that way. I think it was just a minor bug in the game where…I don’t know, I-I must have done things in the wrong order. No? Oh, come on. I think I’ve- I think I’ve encountered a bug. I-sorry I said this was gonna be uncut, but I gotta-I gotta get out of this real quick. Oh, there we go. [“Joel, Our Joy” playing again, with sounds of nature and playing] Oh, whoa, hang on, I think I got something. Oh. [Amy, on the phone] Amy: and they said we have to give it at least three full days. but that if he’s still throwing up after that Mark: Okay yeah, I-I wasn’t sure how I managed to get through. I c-I still can’t interact with, uh, Joel, on the slide here. I would have liked to have got through that, but I literally can’t do anything else. Uh, I had to restart and then even Joel on the merry-go-round, I can’t interact with anymore. So I’m hoping that this isn’t a persistent bug that’s gonna follow me through this because I don’t want anything to really get in the way of this experience. Oh no. [“In the Shadow of That Dragon” playing in the background] Oh no. Oh the music shifted, too. I think we know what this is all about. Now, they said that Joel got sick when he was younger too. Like he- when he was one, did they say? So this is after that? [heart monitor beeping continuously, with the sound of the waves] Oh man. Oh. Well, that’s unpleasant. Ugh. Whoa, what the hell? What was that? Oh, I know what that was. Uh… [heart monitor continues beeping]
[continued sounds of waves] [heart monitor sound fades out] Mark: *sigh* [“Oh, Accuser!” playing in the background] Mark: *deep breath out* Well, now we know what the blackness represents. I mean, obviously it was going to be cancer from the get-go. But… I jus- [Ryan] Mark: Oh. Mark: I- [music stops]
[only the sound of waves] Mark: And welcome to the game. Man… I-I get what that was now, the shadow flowing, uh, overhead, it’s obviously a dragon because, hence the name of the game. So, now we- we really get to the heart of the matter. And again, I don’t want to reiterate too many points, but I still cannot imagine… what it’s like to have to go through this…
[sound of waves stops] if you’re a parent seeing your child like this, ’cause I’m not a parent. I-I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be a parent, I wouldn’t make that assumption because I’m not even close to that point in my life, but still. I just can’t imagine. Like, the pain and like th-the bartering -oh. [ambient music playing]
[clock ticking continuously] [Joel whimpers softly]
[music stops] Ryan: Hey, do you wanna rock? [Ryan] [Phone beeps] Mark: *sigh* [Amy on phone] Mark: Hm. I just know, like I don’t know.
[machine starts beeping] Again, I can’t relate to this experience, and I don’t wanna make the assumption that I do. [machine beeping continuously] What does this mean- What, am I supposed to do something? No? Ahh… Oh boy.. I’m not 100% sure what I’m supposed to be doing here. [beeping stops] *inhale* Apparently what I did was good, and I got it done. Man… Aw, that just makes… It just makes the, uh… chemotherapy drugs look so toxic… And in reality, they- Whoa, what the heck? Whoa. What just happened? Umm.. Oh… oh… Whoa. Hello. Hi… Wwwwhhaaa??? I am… extremely confused. Are those growing bigger? Those are growing bigger aren’t they…? Oh.. Well, obviously they’re just latex gloves that someone blew up, but… That’s more… Whoa… I’mmm a little weirded out.. Again, I-that, that’s- I musta been on to something, like… The visuals are… are in a certain style, and that certain style, it doesn’t quite fall in the uncanny valley, but at the same time it also is… a little… unsettling… Which is interesting. I must be fighting off sleep at the moment. So, if those touch the ground… when they go down? Yeah… That’s when things get real sleepy… Yep! Too late!! Fighting sleep off. Whoaa. Okay… 2001 A Space Odyssey? Type of thing? Whoaa… [continuous far away talking]
[continuous ambient music] I can’t move here… ohhh.. Bye Joel! What are those things… Are those coming towards me? Am I- Ohh. I-oh! Oh my gosh! I’m controlling this. OHH, I think I’m supposed to avoid those… ooh! I don’t know how… Oh, where are they coming in? Are they coming in high? Oh, I cant exactly go any lower. Ohh geez. Oh gosh. OHHHH… I’m going to screw this up, I know I am… Oh where do I go, where do I go? Oh, I don’t know where to go. W-oooh! Well, that looked closer than it actually was. Hoooly crap. I don’t know where to go. Ah. AH! Okay. Everything’s fine. *chuckle* I didn’t expect that to be actually… Aww man. Like I said, I had no idea what to expect when going into this game- I cannot go any farther. *inhale through teeth* EUUGH! Stop, STOP. Nope. Ahhh, no, No no no no, No no no, Okay, go left, left, left, left, left, lef- AHHH That’s not good… Okay, Sorry sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. Ahhh! No! No no no! No no no! No- Ahhhhh I-uh sorry, the perspective is just very bizarre. I think I’m not near them, and for some reason, I-uh I-it’s weird. Those objects are very hard to judge- OH crap. -judge distance on… So I’m, I’m doing my best But, whoof. It’s not going… not going the best- Ohhhh! STOP ITT. Oh boy, this was a bad move. Oh, I went into… I went into bad territory. Oh no! I didn’t expect I’d have to leave- OHHH I’m screwed. Mahhh… Ryan: *gasps* …Joel!
[music stops] Mark: Oh no… Oh. Hi… I don’t think thats was a- I don’t think that was a thing that you could win. But then again, I did very poorly at that… I apologize. [Joel cries] Mark: Hello.. Christian Rock Singer: 🎵Christ is strength in…strength in me🎵 Mark: Huh…
[song continues in the background] [song continues in the background] Well… [Ryan] Mark: Ohhh hii..
[Ryan] Mark: Whoa. Oh. Whoa. This experience is getting a little trippy- Oh, it’s a puppy… Aww its a little pup! Aww it’s a little pup… Whoa. [sound of dog breathing through stethoscope] [voices through stethoscope] [various voices and sounds changing based on where the stethoscope points] Mark: That’s so weird. Oh this is a fascinating experience. I didn’t- Like, I expected it to be like… Kind of a walkthrough story type of deal… But at the same time… I didn’t know that it would be… a-an artistic endeavor, And I appreciate that. I mean, I’m not the most artsy person in the world. As many of you know, I’m very minimalistic, and I… I like simplicity, but… At the same time, you can appreciate something, in terms of crafting a story, in terms of artistic representation of what these complex emotions that can’t exactly be conveyed in words… [music stops] are.
[music stops] You know what I mean? ‘Cause, The human language is nice and all, but… At the same time, language is… It’s a translation of our base emotions, so… And our base thoughts, so…
[“On Hospital Time” playing in the background] And what a lot of people- and I appreciate art, because… a lot of people who don’t like art sometimes don’t understand… I-and you’re more than allowed to just not like art. That’s totally fine. I’m not about to go on an art rampage here. Or judge you for n-liking certain types of art, or not liking certain types of art. But, art in my mind, is about emotion. And, games being another form of art, is about connecting that emotion. And most games, in terms of, like emotion, they want to convey, you know, excitement and fun, a-and engagement. Those complex emotions. But there are other emotions, on an entire different spectrum. And crafting an experience, that conveys those emotions… is often far harder than getting the baser ones that we’re all used to. And the ones… that are even more complex to put into words… I actually don’t know where I’m going here. I’m sorry, I go-I got turned around quite a bit. Hello…? Oh man… Oh no! Was I supposed to be looking at all of these? Oh no, I wasn’t. Oh… Oh no… I meant to appreciate all that stuff. I don’t think- I still don’t think- yeah. I… It’s all click-to-navigate. I would love to be able to… walk around individually but… Apparently I cannot, so… Man, are these the real pictures from these guy- Whoops. Come on now… “Henry and Ella Oliver” “Untitled” Yeah… I don’t know what these paintings represent- Oh, god. Can you stop flipping around like that… Thank you. But anyway, enough of my artistic spiel. I’m not the person who is an expert on art. Or what art means. And what that stuff means. All I’m saying is that this obviously has meaning to the people that go through these experiences. And… it’s just really hard to nail that down. I-it’s hard to nail it down, like, even to say what’s good or bad, in terms of emotions. That’s why, sometimes, you know, you go easy on people that get overly…y’know, antagonistic against art, because… Like…i-it’s one of the human experiences. How do you even comprehend your own emotions? Like, how do you comprehend th-the human experiences by yourself? There’s no guide to it. You know, there’s no right way, or a wrong way. You simply are. Yeah, any-anyway… Mark: That’s enough of me rambling about stuff I don’t know about. [Amy] Amy: Alright, bye. Mark: *breathes* Um… *sniffs* I wonder if these are the actual paintings in the hospital that they were in. Sorry, that got me choked up a little bit… I don’t know why… Anyway… Whoa! *chuckling* What…? [racing game music playing in the background]
[continuous sound of a race car] Oh! *chuckling* Okay… Oh, I- *laughing* I am-I… Okay… I guess I’m supposed to avoid the giant, fat chicken? Whoa, okay. *laughing* I am very confused… Ohh… I-whoa, hi, sorry about that. Sorry, cow. I… *laughs* *laughing* I have no idea what’s happening. I have no idea- Sorry! Ohh man, punted him right out the window… *laughing* Ohh man… Oh, watch out for the banana. Fer da nanner. Ohh… All roighty then! *giggling* Sorry! *sniffs* *giggles* [victory music]
Oh! Yay! “Lum-” Oh, what is… Oh, I have no idea what all that is. Uh, obviously those are all the drugs, that’s… Man… [crash] Uh-oh. Whoa. [fun game sounds and music all stop] Whoa… *sniffs* Okay. Well, that took a shift. Amy: How long will it be before we can have some answers? Did anyone ask the doctor? Ryan: Okay, is it just the doctor on call, or is this our doctor? Well, because the on-call doctor is just a resident… Amy: Is there a way we could talk to our doctor? [sound of a helicopter passing overhead] It just seemed like yesterday, in clinic, they were going to let us go. I just…want to know what the plan is. Ryan: Who cancelled the treatment? Amy: I- isn’t it dangerous for him not to get it? I thought he needed that. Ryan: I-I know you’re just doing what the orders say, but… Can I… Can I just talk to the doctor that ordered it? [sirens fade into the background, and then slowly fade out] Mark: Hm… Man… I-I’m assuming that represents the ups and downs of going through this experience. Like, there…there is no… …There’s not really a happy ending. It- just like everything else in life, it’s just a series of events, and they can be good or bad. And you make the most of it. Yeah, I- Maybe this even, too. Like, the shifting. Every thingle step I take, it… It lights up, and it doesn’t light up… It goes up and it goes down. huh… *deep sigh* Yeah… Ugh, that’s so c…complicated. It’s-it’s so complicated! I-I can’t… I can’t describe it. And I’m not trying to describe it, I don’t-I don’t want to describe it. I want it to be… what it is for the sake of what it is, and not for…my interpretation of…what it is. Whoa. That is…intense. [continuous ambient sound] And what’s even weirder is a lot of these elements here are very familiar to me. Because, you know, I’ve seen all of this first-hand. And I know what that machine is in front of me. It’s a targeted radiation therapy machine. I know, ’cause I’ve seen it used on my dad. And… I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that…thing in years. I didn’t give that thing a thought since last time I saw it, and now I’m… I’m thinking of it, and I can remember that whole day. You know, I can remember that whole day. I remember it, because… on the way there, my dad…criticized my driving skills, he told me, you know, I was driving too fast, and… You know, that… Things like that stick with you, but I…forgot about it. Joel: Hey, it’s you again! I love you! [Joel] Mark: Oh… [Joel laughs] Mark: Well, that doesn’t sound good… I don’t think I wanna know about the “big lion.” Man… Alright! Joel: He’s not a scary lion, but he’s so loud. Mark: Oh. How loud? Mark: Go for it! Mark: That was a pretty scary roar! Joel: Don’t be afraid. You might wanna cover your ears. Mark: Okay. I’m on it. Oh, he’s gettin’ ready. [lion roars] Mark: Wow… Did he just roar the universe into existence? That’s really impressive. Mark: Little–
[Joel says something about animals and his fravorite?] [ambient sound fades into music] Mark: …I didn’t understand any of those words. What did you say? [“And God Saw That It Was Good” playing in the background] What is this? Oh, what am I doing? What am I- Ohhh… Ohh, these are the constellations. Oh, okay. [Joel laughs] That’s the horse. This is, um… A giraffe, apparently. And this is, ummmmmm, the lion?
[Joel laughs] Nope. That’s another poochie. Ohh, he was on the ram. Okay, so I j- I guess I just gotta get all these… constellations properly engaged…? [Joel laughs] Ohhh, okay. I think he’s gotta ride on all of them. [Joel laughs] Go for the- go for the giraffe, it’s…obviously better. Well, probably not better than the dog. I don’t know if the giraffe can do backflips, but I’m gonna try my best here. Huh… How ’bout go for- yeah! There ya go! That would be my favorite. I think the horsey’s gonna be next. [Joel laughs]
Heh… Yeah… [Joel laughs]
I’m just, um… I’m just trying to ponder… the meaning. ‘Ca-that’s all I’m trying to do when I’m- when I’m seeing this. I’m trying to open my mind to what the meaning of this is, and I’m not entirely sure what the meaning… behind this scene is, because I guarantee you that each scene in this game is a representation of… [Amy singing in the background] the life of everyone that has gone through this. Joel included. So, I gotta remember that some things might be from Joel’s perspective. [sound fades out] Or at least their interpretation of what that means.
[sound fades out] You know. Anyway… [Amy humming “How Great Thou Art” distantly in the background] [Amy’s humming becomes less distant and more present, and continues in the background] Mark: That’s a lot of cards… “Elsie, we love you dearly and miss you daily, see you s…” *chokes up* [muffled voice on intercom] *reads text on card* Did I start at the wrong end? Let me start over here. *sighs* [muffled voice on intercom] *sniffs* Oh, whoops. *swallows and exhales* I think I know what these cards are… [muffled voice on intercom] *choked* Four… *crying softly* *sniffs* Sorry… Hang on. [muffled voice on intercom] Ahhh, sorry sorry sorry.
[muffled voice on intercom] Ah, sorry sorry sorry… *sniffs, and sighs deeply* *choked* That’s a lot of cards. [muffled voice on intercom] *still choked* Oh, it’s so many cards… [muffled voice on intercom] Oh man… I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to get through all of these… *sniffs* Ohh, man… Oh, I have to walk? [muffled voice on intercom] Hang on…
[muffled voice on intercom] [Amy’s humming stops] [Amy] *sniffs* *sighs*
[muffled voice on intercom] [muffled voice on intercom] That’s a lot of handprints… I hope you guys aren’t waiting for me to have words of wisdom here, I…I… I don’t quite have…um… *sniffs* I don’t quite have, uh… You know, my thoughts together. Oh, sorry. I already read that one. There’s so many cards. There’s SO many cards. *sniffs* Oh, man, there’s so many cards. I don’t wanna miss any. These are all just goodbyes. Yeah… I wanna hit every one of these. I do. ‘Cause… ‘Cause what’s fascinating is… And especially here, in representation of this, and this may…seem… This may seem trivial to go through each of these. But…the important thing to remember is… that…in all of this…in every one of these cards… It may be a short…little, few words, and it may not seem like much, but… This entire game…is about one person. [“Awake, Oh Awake My Joel” playing in the background] It’s about ONE. And, each of these cards… is about another person. So… To know that… *getting choked again* That every single card here… is just a small piece of someone else’s life… Oh… *tearful chuckle* I don’t think I can get to all the cards… *sniffs* But, to know… that each of these- Oops. Eh… is another piece of someone’s life… *choked* You know, that’s important. It’s important to know that…every single person who’s gone through something like this… They’ve had an experience much like this game, and what this game is, and they’ve had an experience much like what… the family of Joel has gone through. And that’s just important to remember. And these small tokens, you know- and there’s so many! *choked* Oh, there’s so many. Ohh, there’s so many… How do you- How do you pick which ones? But, that’s something to hold true to other things. You know… ‘Cause there are, i-it’s not all tragedy. There are some success stories with cancer, and it’s getting better every year. And hopefully, one day, you know, we’ll be able to put… you know, this sort of thing behind us. Not that we’ll ever be able to defeat death, or… Uh, I don’t think we will. You know, and I don’t even know if that’s a goal that everyone should have, but… *sniffs* You know… It’s all about… you know, learning to see things in perspective. For everyone involved. Everyone who’s been through something like this, everyone who has… seen this… Anyway. I’m getting to that rambly part again, but… I th-I hope…I hope I made…my point. And I think this is a good card to end on. There’s just so many. A-and I think…you know… I wish I could get to all these, but… It would take…a long time. *sigh* *choked* Now I feel guilty turning my back on some of these. *sniffs and exhales vocally* *sighs* Man…so many- Oh. [Muffled voices in the background] *deep sigh* [music and voices fade] And, admittedly, like…you know…
[music and voices fade] Oh… Eh, that wasn’t an important thought anyway. Sorry… Oh, are you pointing where I should be looking? Joel: More? *laughs*
Mark: Tha-thanks, Joel. *laughs softly* Oh. Oh, okay. Huh… Joel: *small laugh* …More?
Mark: Okay. Alright. How ’bout the cow? No? Ahh, there we go. [See-N-Say toy – text on-screen] [Joel laughs] Mark: …Why?? Ahhh…
[Joel laughs] That’s…weird things for Farmer Bill to do. Uh, again… [Joel giggles]
Hm… That both- says two things about Farmer Bill. [Joel giggles] …Huuh. Interesting. [Joel laughs]
Oooh! Fancy! The horse seems the most interesting. Yeah, that horse- The horse seems pretty smart. Admittedly, I think that’s actually appropriate in this scenario. This bizarre experience thing that I’m…going through. [Joel laughs]
What polite pigs. Tha- …Okay. Th-this is a weird toy. I-I-I- [Doctor – text on-screen] [“I’m Sorry Guys, It’s Not Good” plays in the background] Mark: …Well, that was the name of the…chapter.
[“I’m Sorry Guys, It’s Not Good” plays in the background] Oh…wow. What is this? [Ryan] [Doctor talking indistinctly in the background] Doctor: -it’s quite small at this point, [Doctor] Mark: *deep breath* [Amy] [Doctor talking in the background] Doctor: …it is fatal. It’s only a matter of time before… …we’ve already thrown all the chemotherapy… …can’t continue to give him chemotherapy that we know he’s resistant to… [Doctor] Mark: Oh, man… And that’s the fascinating thing, like there’s no-there’s no right way to respond to it. Everyone responds to terrible news differently. Like…I remember the first time that I heard that my dad had cancer. That’s a…that’s a personal story I don’t think I’m gonna go into. [Nurse – text on-screen] Mark: *breathes* [Doctor]
[Doctor also still talking indistinctly in the background] Doctor: …palliative treatment… [Nurse talking in the background] Nurse: …to improve the quality of life… Doctor: -talk to our radiation oncologist, to decide whether [Doctor] [Ryan] [Doctor] [The sound of rain is gradually growing louder in the background] Mark: *exhales* It’s not time yet… Ahh… Oh, man. Sorry. I’m a disgusting slob.
[Ryan] [same conversation repeats indistinctly in the background] Ryan: …and when doctors can’t. [text on-screen] Doctor: [text on-screen] Mark: Oh, man… Amy: [text on-screen] [sound of rushing water getting louder, thunder starting] [conversation echoing distantly back-and-forth] Mark: Man… Oh, this is so weird. I… I’ll hold it. I’ll save it. That’s…that’s so weird… [conversation is drowned out by the sound of the storm] Again, I’m not… I’m not the best to interpret what other people feel in certain circumstances… But I wonder if this is their interpretation of Joel’s perspective on all this. ‘Cause a lot of this game has been about perspective, and seeing things from other perspectives, and understanding that…each person responds differently, and they respond in a variety of ways, and where they- Whoa, wha…what am I looking at? Whoa. What-? I-I think I ran in-… Oh. Nevermind. Anyway… I-i-it’s just like, people respond in different ways, and just because someone responds one way initially, doesn’t mean that that’s…how they’re gonna respond later, or… that’s what they really mean. I don’t know… It’s another thing about…talking about hope. Talking about what hope there is, and… the hope you have in terms of situtations like this, and… And what hope can do, you know? ‘Cause, what can hope do? Hope can do nothing… Nothing, except…make people feel. Hope is just another thing that makes people feel something. Maybe hope is art, I don’t know… *sighs* Oh, man… Now, I believe I’m the bird? I believe? Is there something else I’m supposed to see first? Nah… Mark: “I have-” oh.
Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Hm… Yeah… A-and some people turn to religion for… times like this. I mean, that’s just another thing, that everyone deals in crisises in their own way. Like, who’s to judge? Who’s to say one, more than another? [voices fading in]
Ryan: Guys, are you ready for bed? Amy: Joel. Lay. Down. Okay. Should we do a song? Ryan: Oh, sure. Amy: Okay. Uhh, big boys? How ’bout you come in here, and we’ll sing the littles a lullaby. Isaac: I’m tired… Amy: *laughs* I know, it’s-it’s bedtime. Ohh, okay… [indistinct] Lay down. Mark: Whoa. Where are you going? [converstion continuing in background] Mark: Whoa… Ohh, that’s the lighthouse! Huhh… [conversation fades out] Mark: Huh. Man… An-and it’s also- It’s also bizarre. Like, once you find out that… cancer is terminal, like- Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Yeah… Anyway, to finish what I was saying, and start another thought, is… It’s-it’s a-it’s an interesting conundrum, when you find out the cancer is fatal, because… You-you get that bombshell of knowledge, and then what do you do with it? You-you walk about your normal life, until you eventually die. Like…i-that’s a blunt way to say it… But that’s literally the experience, like… What do you do, after you’re told that you’re gonna die? I’ve never faced this myself, but… You know, that… That’s what happens. And then you have to continue on, and find joy in-in whatever you can. Yeah… And I have another thought…later on, but… I’ll get to it; I’ll probably forget it. Man: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Hm… So, these are notes from…other people in the hospital, too? Is every bottle a note? Oh… No, every bot- some of those bottles are like baby bottles, I believe. I don’t think they’re all notes. Anyway… Yeah, I-I can’t- I can’t remember what my other thought was. I-it probably wasn’t very important. Just like the majority of my thoughts during this. Caleb: So, how long are we gonna be in California? Mark: Hm…
Amy: Um… hmph. I don’t actually know, that’s kind of why we’re packing up everything. Amy: It’s because… if the trial works really well, then maybe we’ll stay in California for a really long time, Like, as long as it keeps helping Joel, then we want to stay, and do the best we can for him, and stay there where he’s getting help. But, if the medicine starts to not work, as soon as it’s not helping him, I promise we’ll come back home. Caleb: Oh… Are we going to Disneyland? Ryan: Yeah, of course. Mark: *laughs quietly* The important question. Ryan: [indistinct] Caleb: I’m kind of excited, but I’m kind of not… I mean, I think it’ll be fun, but… I just don’t like missing school. Amy: *laughs* Oh, yeah… Ryan: *laughs* You’re the only 8-year-old to ever say that. Mark: *laughs* Ryan: That’s amazing.
Amy: I hate to miss the [indistinct] Mark: Yeah… I dunno about that one… Oh, there’s so many notes. Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Hm… Ohh, man. Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Julianne: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: *sniffs and exhales* Man… I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to get to all the notes in the- Whooa… I didn’t expect that… Man… it’s- Ryan: [text on-screen] Ryan: Do you know what she wrote on the eve of Joel’s first surgery? The one back in January, when we first found the tumor? “I seriously feel like a kid on Christmas Eve.” [text on-screen] And yet my wife is expecting a surprise party from the Lord. Replete with presents. [text on-screen] Mark: Yeah… And then, the counterpart. Some people can’t turn to religion. Some people… I-I’m not saying… commenting on anyone’s religious beliefs, that’s not what I’m doing. I’m saying… Some people approach crisis logically…you know. Some people want to put hope in other things. Some people want to try to control it. I mean…there…there’s no correct way. “Joel the Baby Knight” *laughs* Amy: [text on game screen] Ryan: [text on game screen] Caleb: Ohh… [text on game screen] Mark: Okay. Ryan: *sighs* Sure.
Mark: Ohh… Amy: [text on-screen] Mark: Uh-huh… [applause]
Mark: Ohhhh! Isaac: [text on-screen]
Mark: Hi~i! *chuckles* Joel: *laughs*
Ryan: [text on-screen] [trumpet fanfare] Mark: Uh-huh. Mark: Uh oh. Huh… Heh… Awww… Caleb: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Isaac: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Mark: Euggh, why am-
Isaac: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen]
Mark: *laughs* Why am I walking- Oookay… Mark: Why am I walking towards it?
Isaac: [text on-screen] Mark: W-ooh! Mark: I ducked!
Ryan: [text on-screen] Mark: *laughs* So much fire… I ducked… Oop! Caleb: [text on-screen] Isaac: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Mark: Whoa, whoops. Uh-oh! Ah, I didn’t know that was coming. Ryan: [text on-screen] Isaac: [text on-screen]
Mark: Ehhhh~ Ryan: [text on-screen] Caleb: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Mark: Ahhh!
Amy: [text on-screen] Caleb: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Mark: Kinda like help. Yeah, close. Close enough. Ya did good. Ryan: You know, and he’s not the only one who’s ever tried to fight this dragon. Some very brave knights have fought this dragon, and lost. And, some are able to drive the dragon off, and then they can go home, and they can quit fighting for a while. Ryan: And the kingdom is safe.
Mark: Hehh… Amy: Joel’s been fighting this dragon for a long time, huh? Isaac: A looong time. Amy: But…Joel found a nice, empty cave…where he could rest. And it seemed like the dragon couldn’t find him. But just when he thought that the danger was past, the dragon found his hiding spot, and came after him, in the cave! Mark: Uh-oh!
Isaac: [text on-screen] Amy: [text on-screen] Isaac: [text on-screen] Mark: Heh, you’ll see about that! Amy: [text on-screen] Mark: Huuh… Hyeh! Byuh! Hyugh! Huh! Uh-oh! I think th-I think I’m in some sort of a sweet spot, that I’m not gonna get much damage over here. Shoobidee, shoobidoo. Whoa, tricksy! Tricksy, are ya? Oh- Ahh! Oh no! Noo! Don’t make me start over! Caleb: [text on-screen] Mark: I almost had that! Awww, I had that. Mark: I had that!
Amy: [text on-screen] Mark: Ohhh, I-I don’t think I could’ve won. Oh, I see, I can just crouch. Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Ehh! Ehh! Eh! Come at me, dragon! Whoa! That’s not what I meant to do. Huh. I don’t think anyone can beat this dragon, I think it’s just about getting the high score. Heeey, ya foolish fool. Yeah, I don’t think there’s a way to win this, so I think the only way to progress is probably to lose. If I had to guess… Hueh! Hmm… This is fascinating… It-it really is! Like, I’m not even joking about that. It’s-it-this is legitimately fascinating. All of it is. I might have missed that entirely. ‘Cause I-I wouldn’t have looked at the ring. I almost didn’t. So I guess I can get outta here. Oh, there’s a bite taken outta that preserver. Yeah… Kay, where am I headed? Ovah, heaah? Oh, that’s a lot of notes. There’s a lot of notes. Huh… Ryan: *gasps!* Mark: Oh!
Amy: [text on-screen] Ryan: *gasping and coughing* Ryan: [text on-screen] Amy: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Amy: [text on-screen] Ryan:[text on-screen] Amy: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Amy: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Amy: [text on-screen] Ryan: [text on-screen] Amy: [text on-screen] Mark: That was about the most direct symbolism that’s been in this game. Do I go in this again? Whoop- Noo, that’s not what I… w-was doing… Well… Alright, then, I m-I missed out on some things. Can I go back- I can’t even go back. Can I go back? Ohhh, no… Sorry about that, guys. Mark: I really thought I was going for the life preserver.
Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Hm… Ahh, looks like I can’t get back, either. Oh, maybe? Okay, good. Sorry about that. I was just…very worried that I wasn’t gonna be able to go over here. Now, what I’m gonna do here, is I’m only gonna get the note that is, I believe… related to the story, which is this one… Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Hmmm… Now, let me try this red one here. Woman: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: That was a fascinating departure from…everything that has been here so far. Like…there’s a lot of stories out there. That’s the thing. Tha-i-that’s the thing that, like, it’s another perspective thing. I-i-it’s just another, like… generalization of what life is, in all of it’s entirety. There’s so many different ways… Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Hmm… See, I’m… I’m wondering… I’m wondering if… ‘Cause, like I said, there’s multiple ways to face something… And… Like, I don’t know if…the way she’s going about it is… a good way, for it? Always clinging onto hope, while also realizing the…the-the… the impossibility of the s- like, the-the challenge that she faces, or…you know… Amy: [reads letter on-screen] Mark: Yeah, becau- i-i-it’s an interesting perspective, to see it from, like, an outsider. Looking at what she’s experiencing, and… She is so sure… that this is the right action, and who am I to say that it’s not? Like I said, everyone deals with it in their own way. But also, at the same time, clinging…so hard to hope… can make you blind to everything else, and also the people around you, and… I’m not here to say one’s wrong, or the other. Like, I-I definitely want to emphasize that idea, that… Who knows? But at the same time…like… She’s so sure, of her faith, a-and, and what she’s feeling in there, while at the same time… The father, here, is drowning. And…maybe he needs help, you know? Maybe he needs help, an-and…and…her constant assurances, at the same time… Not helping him… Whoa, whoa! Whoa, am I…I’m not pointed in the right direction. Here we go. That’s correct. Yeah… But, best not to let yourself drown. Oh… Okay… Yeah… Y’know, I s-I said I wasn’t gonna talk about it, but I-I think it’s probably just best that I do. It seems like…he’s stuck. Come on… Come on. Come on… Ah, you’re almost there. No… It’s getting dark now. Yeah… I mean… I made it out- I probably made it out to seem like it was some… considerably dark story, and it was bad, but no. The story of when I first found out about my dad having cancer, i-i-it… Really, there’s not a lot to it. I-it’s more of a perspective thing of… what I was talking about, like… No two people respond to it the same way. But, at the same time, mine was probably very typical. Because, like he- they- My dad and my stepmom, they sat me down… at a table… And…i-they had gotten me lunch- or, dinner, from… I dunno, I believe Wendy’s. And, I was just sitting there eating, and then they sat me down to have a very serious conversation, and… Like, what it was was just… I, uh… I… They told me the news, and at first…like, it didn’t even register. You know, it didn’t. It was like, “oh, okay.” It- They might as well have told me the weather. You know, it was one of those things… And… I remember just sitting there, and it wasn’t even like a conscious thing… It wasn’t even like, uh…I processed it. It wasn’t even like I calculated it. It wasn’t like I thought about it at all. Like, what they said to me…went in. I went, “Okay.” And then, I sat there for a few minutes. And then, all of a sudden, I didn’t- I wasn’t thinking, I wasn’t feeling anything. All of a sudden… Like, the full weight of it just hit me. It wasn’t something that I actually comprehended, it was just the fact that… Like, the weight of what that meant hit me, and I just started crying. Like…harder than I’ve ever cried, just suddenly. I couldn’t stop, and it was… It was so weird, because… Just, the news. And I, like, this is just… Like… I’m just saying this because, you know, I wanted to get this out in the open. There’s nothing special to this story. It’s… It’s a story that a lot of people have heard before, and obviously it doesn’t… Like, I’m not going through as much pain as my dad was, probably. Or, definitely. A-it’s just… I don’t know… It’s a perspective thing. And I know what this wants me to do, I was just pausing there so I could… tell that story, and… I don’t know… Yeah… For some reason, it wanted him to swim downwards… *sighs* ‘Cause, this is what I meant when I said I wanted to take the appropriate time playing this game, because I knew it was gonna take me… back to a lot of things, and to a lot of places, and a lot of journeys. [Ryan reads text on-screen] Mark: Hm… Well, better get up, then. Hm… [Ryan] Mark: Well, I don’t know… Hm… These are a lot of jumps to make. [Joel starts crying continuously in the background] Mark: Oh… *sighs* Oh. Alright, then. [buzzing sounds as Mark tries to hit the buttons] I guess there’s no playing the game again. Hm… Okay. *sighs* [Joel stops crying and giggles briefly] [Joel starts screaming continuously] Mark: Oh, no… Ohh… [Ryan] Mark: Hm… Did I do it? Oh. Food. That was quick, wow. Back to the vinyl. [Ryan] [Joel finally stops screaming, and Ryan laughs slightly] [Joel’s screaming starts again] Mark: Hm… Aww… *sighs* [Joel’s screaming is drowned out by the sound of the rain] Mark: I mean-
[Ryan] Mark: Oh, man… ‘Cause, that’s…that’s another thing about the battle with cancer, like… That is…another thing, there… [Joel’s screaming continues] Mark: It’s not just one day, it’s not an event, it’s not the start or the end of it. There’s… weeks, months, and years involved with it. There’s an entire timeline of…just…living with this weight. [Ryan] [Ryan continues shushing] [Joel’s screaming turning into coughing] [Joel’s screaming stops] [Music stops] Mark: I mean, yeah, that’s the thing, it’s… It’s… *sighs* It’s…it’s years… Years of struggle, sometimes. [Ryan] Mark: Hm… *sighs* Yeah… [voices fading in]
Amy: Look, look, oh! We’re in- Family: [together] Nevada! We’re in Nevada! We’re in Nevada! We’re in California!! Whooo! *applause, horn honking* Ryan: *laughs*
Caleb: So, now that we’re in California, how much longer to San Francisco? Ryan: About three and a half hours, bud.
Caleb: Awww… Amy: Well… It’s 10 AM now, so that means you guys can grab one more item from your road trip bags. Isaac: And it’s my turn to be the king! Mark: I’m assuming they went to California to try to pursue another form of treatment, which is, you know… When you’re told…that, you know, there’s nothing else to be done, you know… Parents aren’t gonna take that.
[Family starts singing in background] Like, you always… You always pursue something like that. Because, when- [Ryan] Mark: Hm… Family: [still singing] 🎵They are weak, but He is strong🎵 🎵Yes, Jesus loves Joel🎵 🎵Yes, Jesus loves Joel🎵 🎵Yes, Jesus loves Jo~el, la la la la la🎵 Ryan: 🎵He loves Joel so much! Oh, he loves Joel!🎵 Family: *finishes the song* Mark: Hm… [Ryan] Mark: Hm… *sighs* I’ll probab- I’ll wrap up my thoughts at the end of this, I just… I have a funny feeling it’s getting closer to… maybe not the end of the game, but the end of this section in the game, I’m not sure. I mean, I go- I have a lot of thoughts on this, because of my personal experience through it, but that doesn’t mean that I know… the right answers. Anyway… [Amy] [Ryan] [Amy] [Ryan] Mark: Huh… Yeah… Yeah, I wish I had more thoughts, right now. I really do. I wish I had more thoughts about this. I-I wish, like, I had more personal experience to relate about this…section, here. Because… Whoa. That is intimidating. Hmm… Man, this is… This is intimidating, here. TV Voice: Alright, kids, you know what time it is!
[Fun music playing] Mark: What time is it? I don’t know what time it is. Is it symbolic that the…sword and shield are broken now? Man, I don’t know… I mean, there’s a lot of symbolism in this game, and if obviously this is a… This is a religious portion of the game, but like, it’s important to remember that this specific portion… is still a part of their experience, and the reason I was saying, like… Who am I to judge what people believe in? The reason I say that is because… From one person’s perspective to another…whatever brings someone hope, in a situation like this… Who am I to remove that hope? Or, who is anyone to remove that hope? From anyone who has been affected by this? And I’ve said this over and over, the entire time that I’ve played this: There is no right way to handle something. And this level may be called The Temple of God, which is very…very…very interesting. But at the same time… Some people, you know… It doesn’t matter what you believe in. Everyone…can still get cancer. And everyone needs to remember to be kind to one another in these experiences, because… At the end of it all, you know…like… Death is the great unifier in what we do, and what I remember from… my experiences with it…you know, are… You know, they’re one thing amongst many. Anyway… I-I’m rambling again, I have n- I didn’t really know what I was talking about there, so… I won’t make an assumption that I do. [voices speaking in the background multiply as candles are lit] Mark: Hm… Oh. [musical chord starts playing, mixed with the voices] [all the noise fades out] [church music starts playing] Mark: Oh… [the voices start up in the background again] Mark: Man… I-I… I honestly don’t wanna… I don’t know what to make of this. Man… Whoa. Okay. I don’t know what I did. Alright. Something’s happening. Okay… I don’t know if I did something right there, or…or it just decided to do it on its own- I can’t move now. Okay. [Priest]
[Other voices in the background] Mark: Whoa… Oh, am I supposed to- Oh. I-I… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Oh… *whispers* What… [Joel] Mark: Man… I’m… I’m guessing that was… Telling that Joel died…? Possibly…? I dunno… What’s that? [Ryan] Mark: Oh… man. *deep sigh* …It’s weird… I-it’s bizarre. You know… After… After all the struggle, after all the hope, after all the…the different ways of trying to rationalize what happens, You know, i-it is bizarre, because afterwards… You know- [Joel] Mark: Well, you got a lot of pancakes there. Heh… *laughs softly* [Joel] Mark: Nah… Ohh… Is this- Am I-? *laughs* Yep, I got da bubbles. Ah. I don’t think Manju’s gonna do much of anything. *laughs* I think- I think it was, uh, waiting for me to not blow so many bubbles. A little bit… Maybe. *laughs* Have a whoole pancake. *chuckles* Yeah… [Joel laughs and claps] Mark: I’m guessing… I’m guessing that’s the end, because that’s representative of… I’m guessing, Joel in the afterlife. And that’s the end of the game. That was a… That was a really interesting experience. “Joel Evan Green” I mean… It’s…it’s so fascinating. *tearful* That was weird. Just seeing his picture, like made it really real for a second there. *crying* That was, um… It’s just a moving experience, ’cause… I-I don’t know… *choked* I don’t know these people. *breathes* But, I can, like…you know… I can see… like, what they’ve gone through. And…and that’s the thing, you know… My dad…my dad died from cancer, and… It’s…it’s not the cancer… that, you know, that I think about. You know, it’s not the cancer itself that I…you know, look back on. ‘Cause I don’t want that to be the memories that I have of my dad. You know, and I- it’s not even something, anymore that, like… I don’t- it’s not like it keeps me awake at night, you know, I’m fine…uh, now. And I was fine, you know…not too…too much longer after my dad passed away. An-and that’s the thing, it’s… The hardest times…are the struggle during… And…the pain of seeing, during– Hi. For the first time this whole gameplay, Chica came up to say Hi. Chica normally records with me, she’s just a very…quiet pup. And, it’s just- you know, it’s-it’s not… I-it’s not… It’s not ‘after’ that gets me sad, it’s not…’before’ that gets me sad. I don’t look back at all the memories that I had with my dad, and I don’t get sad. You know, I may get teary-eyed, because I look back fondly on the times that we had together, but it’s… You know, it’s the struggle that really…really tears me up. Knowing that… You know… It’s that sense of helplessness that really, really… affects people. It’s the sense of not being able to do anything, when all you want in the world is to be able to do something. You know…and that’s… *choking up* In the time of greatest need, when you wish that, in all the world, the only thing that you could possibly want… is to be able to help that person. Like, you would give anything- *chokes up* And, like I said before, you know, I don’t know what it’s like to be a father, and I don’t know what it’s like to be a… You know…to see a child go through those things, but I’d like to think that… you know… I’d at least feel that same feeling of… the desire to do absolutely anything to help. You know, you would give… You’d give anything. *sniffs* You’d give absolutely anything to be able to help. And, it’s the feeling that you can’t… There’s nothing you can do. And those are the times that get you down. Those are the times that I look back and I actually get sad for. And seeing, like, the changes that go through… you know, the family, and my dad himself. You know, seeing…him… you know, change… That’s hard to deal with. That is brutal to deal with, and this game painted it in a very… I can’t say “good” like, ’cause it’s not a good experience. It’s not a good thing, but… This was a game… that, like, I… I-I’m really happy that I played it. *sigh* So- I feel- You know, it’s bizarre, I feel oddly good. I feel…I feel really good, I thought… I thought, when I came out of this experience, I was gonna be like… so unbelievably sad, but I feel good. Like, I remember… Like, when I went through that journey, I had so many memories of the times that I was with my dad. And even through the struggle, even through the hard times, even through the worst of it… I remember my dad. And he’s such a huge inspiration to me, and he’s such a huge reason why I’m the person I am today. And he’s such a huge reason…why I push myself to try to be better every day. And it’s amazing to see, and I feel good. It’s really bizarre, I feel really good. Because, I think the end of that game, the-the thing that it was trying to come across- And this whole game was like an experience of feelings. It was like a storybook of emotions of this…this family, and what they went through and… And at the end, it was…it was supposed to be a feeling of peace. Like, not necessarily hope, but a feeling of…of peace. And that’s…you know… Take that for- whatever way you want, whatever you will, but… I don’t know… Like, that…that connected with me. Like, I felt that peace, because… I’m at peace with…you know… my dad…passing, and I’m at peace with who I am, and I’m at peace with the fact that he didn’t get to see… who I am now. And that’s okay. ‘Cause, I’ve been very fortunate. And a lot of people haven’t. And…thankfully, I haven’t had to experience…cancer, personally. I haven’t had to go through it, and… And- I’ve had a tumor, but it wasn’t cancerous. Like, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, that I’ve been through chemotherapy, or I’ve been through anything like that. I haven’t. And, um… Y’know… It’s just… I don’t know. I don’t feel sad. I really don’t. And…I-I just want to say, thank you everybody, so much, for asking me to play this game, and asking me to… go through this, and I really hope that I gave it the attention that it deserved because I wanted to make sure that I went into this…with, like, eyes wide open, and… taking in absolutely everything from this, and I feel like… this was an experience that need…needed to be made. Like, this game needed to be made. Not necessarily for any one specific person, but just in general. It needed… You know, it needs to exist. If…only to tell this family’s story. So, anyway… I-I’ll… That’s about all I have to wrap up with this. I could tell more stories about… my dad, but I’ll save that for another day. I-I’ve said a lot…throughout this video, that I didn’t think I was gonna talk about, and… You know… Just, thank you everybody so much for listening. And, uh, also…you know, just closing stuff. Uh, I did mention at the beginning of this video. Um… You know, there is information about the Crisis Text Line, which is… the charity that we’re-we’re doing, a lot of the people in Revelmode are doing, uh, this next week, upcoming for a while. And, you know, that’s…that’s another important element. Because, cancer is one thing, but there’s… There’s so much more… Being human is hard. *chuckles slightly* Being human is really, really hard. And… There’s so many things that…need to be helped, and… There’s no time to be petty, and… There’s no time to be… You know… hold grudges against people. I’m not talking about anything specifically, I’m just talking in general, like.. There-there’s no time for it, because… You don’t know how much time you have. You really don’t. And you have to make the best of it while you can. So, anyway, that’s…that’s literally all I have. Check the description for more… uh… important information, and… Please support the developers of this game, and… And give warm regards to the family… who was a part of this, I believe it’s the Green family, so… Anyway… I’ll leave with that. Thank you everybody so much for watching. Thank you for sticking with me through this…way-too-long video. And, thank you for everyone pushing me to play it, because… I didn’t want to play it, but I may have been putting it off a little bit because I didn’t know if I wanted to go through it But…I’m really… I really am glad that I played this game, I really am. So, thank you everybody so much for watching. And, as always, I will see you…in the next video. Bye-bye!